Coming Home

At this time of year, kids are graduating from high school or college, and parents and children are adjusting to the inevitable changes these events represent. Whether your child is leaving home for the first time or finding his or her way in a new profession, the altered reality can be an adjustment.

This time of year always reminds me of our children, probably because they experienced change on a regular basis while my husband was on active duty. Military kids not only change states or countries, they change schools, neighborhoods, sports teams, and clubs. They navigate making new friends, figuring out the fashion trends for their new place, and hoping to make the team or be picked for whatever band, play, or role on which their current happiness rests.

I always knew these moves were difficult–as the spouse of a military member, we reinvent our lives as well–but our children deal with much more. They sometimes miss the tryouts, aren’t allowed in academic programs, move in the middle of the school year, have to retake courses that aren’t classified the same, read the same novel again, adjust to different curriculum goals, etc., etc., etc.

We worry about them with every move, praying that they’ll find one good friend, a niche in the school–good, old, plain acceptance. Of course, there’s always the academic, athletic, and activity concerns. Is the school going to consider them “one of their kids.” Is the coach going to give them a shot?

An organization once brought educators together to bring understanding of a military child’s reality. Teachers and administrators came in, sitting with colleagues from their own schools. The workshop began with an exercise, each table working together to produce a certain product. Every 20 minutes or so, the lead would move everyone around, and each person would have to get to know his or her “new” group, proceeding with the same task with different members. It was eye opening for all involved. That small exercise spoke enough of the the military child’s experience to give educators a taste of what they go through every year or two.

Our children benefit from the military life as well. They’re independent, empathetic, and usually more mature than their counterparts. They often make friends easily, adjust to new situations quickly, and notice when someone needs help. They’ve experienced various cultures, so they’re more tolerant.

What it comes down to is–as we’ve consistently pointed out to our own children–everything is relative, and attitude is everything. “Coming home” remains a relative term–its where we happen to be hanging out. How we approach our new place, or attitude about it, makes all the difference.

Our son is now in the military, and he “comes home” this weekend. He’s never lived in this house, but we’re here. So, he’s home.