Designs on Life

I learned a new tip the other day. Forget the fact that I’m 30 years behind the curve, but I had no idea that clipping a candle’s wick to 1/4 inch before burning prevents black soot from forming on the glass, not to mention uneven burning (I looked it up for this post to be sure). The happiness that little tidbit gave me demonstrated the power of a shortcut.

So many useful pieces of advice can make life easier. Did you know that baking soda can be used as a pesticide, or a quartered lemon filled with salt can remove smells? If your life hack jar begs input, Pinterest could be your remedy. Actually, Pinterest–barring the fact that it can turn into a two hour rabbit hole–teems with information; I’m unrepentant in my love of it. The time saved through its use unequals any regret I may have for a full afternoon search of its gems (yes, I’m exaggerating).

The beauty of Pinterest lies not only in its simplicity and accessibility, it’s the willingness of people to share what they’ve learned with complete strangers–an opportunity to save someone else from making the same mistake, purchasing an unneeded item, educating others on millions of topics.

Which brings me to YouTube. If ever there existed unselfish sharing, YouTube reigns. Don’t know how to caulk a tub? No problem! Need to bind a quilt? They’ve got videos for that too. How should you slice a pineapple? No worries!

While these two sites dominate online help, what about everyday opportunities to effect change? Someone once told me my children had to endure an unfair circumstance “just like their children had.” Shocking doesn’t even begin to describe it. Most of my experience, thankfully, betrays that thinking. Generally speaking, people relish the chance to share their knowledge. The fellow customer who lets you know the store is closed, so you don’t walk all the way to the door. The bystander who explains the forms you’re filling out at the post office. The helpful motorist who not only pushes your broken down car out of the street, but assists in the repair.

The outcome feels the same on either end of the deal–giver or receiver. There is a science to altruism. According to researchers, “the wish to perform good deeds affects our health, even our longevity. The antidote to stress is “selfless concern for the well-being of others.” (Merriam-Webster) When we engage in good deeds, we reduce our own stress and improve our immunity. Those who volunteer have improved longevity.” (“The Science of Good Deeds”, WebMD).

In other words, the best medicine for stress? Look for opportunities to share with a stranger, neighbor, organization, friend, or family member. They say it’s paying it forward; now we know it’s mutually beneficial. Besides, the day-to-day kindnesses fill us with hope.

Quote of the Day:

Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, What are you doing for others?” Martin Luther King, Jr.

Everyone loves being vulnerable, right? Hardly. When I consider the moments in my life when I threw caution to the wind, the ones that stand out are most definitely the ones that ended less than perfectly. Even as a person who doesn’t mind putting it out there, I’ve had my share of vulnerability gone awry. We all have. That’s probably why being vulnerable isn’t our constant modus operandi. That’s why, when I noticed Brene’ Brown’s TedTalk called “The Power of Vulnerability,” not viewing it wasn’t an option.

Let’s face it. Being vulnerable, for most of us, resembles ten kittens sliding down the length of your legs, claws extended. Brown, however, defines vulnerability not as weakness, but our most accurate measure of courage, the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change. She studies people, analyzing why some will not expose their vulnerability and some seem able to “breathe through the uncomfortable with no guarantee of acceptance.”

She discovered that when we have more difficulty with vulnerability, we’re dealing with shame, the inner monologue of “you’re never good enough, and who do you think you are?” We’ve all been there, too. Those who are better with vulnerability, according to Brown, have the courage to be imperfect, the compassion to be kind to themselves first–and subsequently others, and the connection to be their authentic selves. She makes perfect sense–plus, she has the research to back it up.

We all have personal mishaps in our histories that predispose future fearless action, things that were said to us or we experienced that limit our willingness to step out into the open. What a crock, right? How many times do we relive negative moments, inhibiting the joy we could be experiencing in the present? If we haven’t figured it out yet, we’re all a work in progress.

We seem to forget the moments that didn’t end badly, the times we opened up our true selves to possible criticism, but instead received a connection, whether it was someone else’s understanding of who we are or their appreciation for realizing they were not alone. There’d be so much benefit if we were all more plucky, unabashed, gutsy, spunky…courageous.

Listening to Brene’ Brown permitted me to start this blog. I’d wanted to write one and had been researching to make it a reality, but somehow never managed the “undeterred” part. Her words resonated with me–the fear I had about wondering if I was good enough to write.

Lay down your shame, people, and be vulnerable with me…and each other.

Quote of the Day:

Don’t let the fear of what could happen make nothing happen. extramadness.com

There’s nothing like beginning a new book and realizing it’s the kind that you never want to put down. While I’ve been told everyone doesn’t experience books the same way, I fortunately “view” my own personal movie, complete with voices, actors (no, they’re never famous ones), and scenery. Putting down a good book, for me, parallels pausing a movie at the theater. You know, remember that time when something went wrong with the film, and you had to wait to see it later. Popcorn and drink in hand…praying they’d figure it out? Irritating, right? It’s like that!

Since summer is on its way–and who doesn’t need a good beach book (Well, probably me since I don’t lay out, but I will park it on a porch, or couch, or even in a car)–I thought I’d introduce you to one of those books. Actually, there are 15 at last count, so you’ll be set for a while.

If you haven’t already been gifted into the Chief Inspector Gamache series by Louise Penny, you’re welcome. Her first book, Still Life, gets the ball rolling into the sometimes frenzied journey on which you’ll embark to solve murders with Gamache and his team. Penny’s plot twists, turns, and doubles back to keep readers in the dark about who the killer is, and her vivid details allow even the least creative to “see” her Canadian settings.

What I love about Penny’s books are her characters, who are both kindly and flawed. She creates an intimacy with them, constructing the sort you’d want to hang out with–all good people who care about being good people. Even the town they live in–if it existed–teases with its small town stores and cafes. If it wasn’t for the murders, it’d be perfect!

But, what I love most is Penny’s infusion of sensibility, good naturedness, and empathy into her stories. Through her character’s interactions, thoughts, and dialogue, she urges us to be better. By demonstrating morality and integrity through her storylines, we’re given examples–and, quite literally, instructions–by which to navigate our own lives. Oh yeah, and she’s an incredible storyteller.

Penny was a featured author at the The National Book Festival in Washington, D.C. last year, spending time with her fans (of course, luckily, I was one of them, and I didn’t embarrass myself, thank you😳) and being interviewed by Maureen Corrigan, a renowned book critic. Watch the interview on YouTube, and you’ll understand why the author is as captivating as her art. Honestly, I could see us as friends–and yes, I realize thousands would say the same thing:).

So, I hope you’re able to delve into the world of Three Pines. They have her books at the library too, you know. I read some of the large print copies because the regular print was checked out, meaning my readers weren’t needed.

By the way, I receive no payment for my enthusiastic review of Ms. Penny; just passing along the joy of reading the work of a remarkable writer.

Quote of the Day:

“You know you’ve read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you’ve lost a good friend.” Paul Sweeney

I was recently reminded–today, actually–about art being in the eye of the beholder. Someone had experienced the opposite emotion of the one intended in response to a post. My first reaction, sadly, was, “That’s not how you’re supposed to take it!” First, my reaction, while good intentioned, certainly lacked sensitivity, but I was also forgetting the beauty of any form of art–you can interpret it in your own way.

How many times have you discussed a song with someone, each of you taking a different meaning from the lyrics? Or, when standing in front a visual art piece, each in a group sees something completely different? Even discussing a novel in high school prompts varying interpretations.

We went to Piccolo Spoleto this afternoon in Marion Square and marveled at the extraordinary talent of the photographers, painters, and performers. Regardless of the sweltering, 98 degree heat, the crowd reveled in the talents of all present, deciphering according to their own method of meaning.

I would always encourage my students to feel free to find their own meaning in a text, as long as that meaning could be supported by the work. The beauty lies in the thinking, experiencing, and appreciating.

The point of art, at least to me, begins with the expressions of the artist and continues with each subsequent understanding. Having someone else find meaning in your creation has to be the highest form of praise. That’s what makes art so universal.

Quote of the Day:

“An artist is not paid for his labor but for his vision”. James Whistler

My 84 year old mother has written her life story, an endeavor that’s taken years and will continue through the editing phase! I am fortunate to be the one typing it–to present it back to her for the editing phase:)

The idea of her writing her story was appealing to me, especially the prospect of passing it on to my children and their children and so on. When envisioning how her story would unfold, I imagined an accounting of each of my brothers and sisters (10 total), their personalities, where they grew up, idiosyncrasies–in other words, the totality of her life that I saw. Instead, I was absorbed by the normal moments of my parents’ courtship, the planning of their wedding, their lives before children when they were young and carefree and content with the simplicity of their lives.

I’ve always felt that seniors were young hearts, minds, and souls in old bodies–even at my age, I have experienced the distorted vision of the young. This view aside, I was unprepared for the richness my Mom’s story brought to the version of their story I thought I knew. I am captivated by reading about their seemingly everyday routines, the friendships they made moving around as a military family, and how they figured out how to raise 10 kids (does anyone ever figure out that feat??!).

I’m only halfway through her writing, but I already know the gift we’ve been given. We don’t think about our lives as interesting, believing no one would be reading about how we grew into who we are. It’s such a fabrication of our own minds.

My dad grew up in Iowa, the grandson of Irish immigrants. He and his brothers and sisters were separated among family members after his mother died when he was six years old. He enlisted in the Navy when he was 17, serving in the Korean War. My mother grew up on Oahu, the daughter of an Army veteran and Scottish mother. Her Scottish grandparents immigrated to Hawaii to raise cattle on Parker Ranch. She lived through Pearl Harbor when she was 6 years old, figured out how to raise 10 children and have a career. Talk about a rich story line?! Even if our family is the only one to read this biography, it’s worth it.

Wouldn’t it be invaluable to hear your own parents, grandparents, and great grandparents’ stories in their own words, a personal legacy of your family? Imagine what you would include in your own story! Would you start at the beginning of your life (hopefully) or at the start of a significant part of your life? Either way, your story–the good and the bad–brings an understanding, a deeper hue of your life.

“I was the eighth of ten children, born in South Carolina during a tumultuous period in our country’s history to a Korean War veteran from Iowa and a Scottish hula dancer from Hawaii…”. It’s a start:)

Quote of the Day:

“Life really does begin at 40. Up until then, you’re just doing research.” Carl Jung

At this time of year, kids are graduating from high school or college, and parents and children are adjusting to the inevitable changes these events represent. Whether your child is leaving home for the first time or finding his or her way in a new profession, the altered reality can be an adjustment.

This time of year always reminds me of our children, probably because they experienced change on a regular basis while my husband was on active duty. Military kids not only change states or countries, they change schools, neighborhoods, sports teams, and clubs. They navigate making new friends, figuring out the fashion trends for their new place, and hoping to make the team or be picked for whatever band, play, or role on which their current happiness rests.

I always knew these moves were difficult–as the spouse of a military member, we reinvent our lives as well–but our children deal with much more. They sometimes miss the tryouts, aren’t allowed in academic programs, move in the middle of the school year, have to retake courses that aren’t classified the same, read the same novel again, adjust to different curriculum goals, etc., etc., etc.

We worry about them with every move, praying that they’ll find one good friend, a niche in the school–good, old, plain acceptance. Of course, there’s always the academic, athletic, and activity concerns. Is the school going to consider them “one of their kids.” Is the coach going to give them a shot?

An organization once brought educators together to bring understanding of a military child’s reality. Teachers and administrators came in, sitting with colleagues from their own schools. The workshop began with an exercise, each table working together to produce a certain product. Every 20 minutes or so, the lead would move everyone around, and each person would have to get to know his or her “new” group, proceeding with the same task with different members. It was eye opening for all involved. That small exercise spoke enough of the the military child’s experience to give educators a taste of what they go through every year or two.

Our children benefit from the military life as well. They’re independent, empathetic, and usually more mature than their counterparts. They often make friends easily, adjust to new situations quickly, and notice when someone needs help. They’ve experienced various cultures, so they’re more tolerant.

What it comes down to is–as we’ve consistently pointed out to our own children–everything is relative, and attitude is everything. “Coming home” remains a relative term–its where we happen to be hanging out. How we approach our new place, or attitude about it, makes all the difference.

Our son is now in the military, and he “comes home” this weekend. He’s never lived in this house, but we’re here. So, he’s home.

Quote of the Day:

“A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.” Irish Proverb

So, a friend asked if I’d like to get together with like-minded women for dinner to benefit women and girls. Well, enough said, right? To be clear, when characterizing “like-minded,” it’s referencing people who are interested in improving the lives of women and girls in extreme poverty in developing countries–no other criteria or belief system needed.

The group was started by a woman, Marsha Wallace, in Greenville, South Carolina who read an article about a group of friends who had done a similar dinner to benefit needy families. Wallace used her own birthday in 2003 as the catalyst to start Dining for Women with her co-founder, Barb Collins. Right here in South Carolina! Currently, there are chapters all over the United States (look on their website for a chapter near you). Their founding values:

• All women deserve to be self-sufficient.
• Education transforms the giver and the receiver.
• Connections are the engine that power giving.
• Transparency and integrity will mark our work.
• To reach all, we must believe we can.

Diningforwomen.org

Most months, the Summerville chapter meets at someone’s home, but sometimes, they meet at a local establishment whose owners graciously offer their space. Tonight, they met at Coastal Coffee Roasters on East 3rd North Street in Summerville.

The premise is that the women come together for a self-made meal, donating (as they see fit) the money they would’ve spent to dine at a restaurant to, as their motto states, “Help a Woman, Save a Girl, Change the World.” Members bring a dish, usually celebrating the culinary tastes of the country being highlighted, which is shared by all.

I honestly didn’t know what to expect, and frankly, I was worried about enjoying food from Afghanistan🤫. We got there early for setup, which gave me time to meet some of the group. Everyone kindly welcomed me, introducing me to other people as they arrived. The demographic extended from a high school senior to senior people, me included:) We all mingled, ate dinner (which was delicious, my apologies for my reticence), and listened to an energetic, impassioned address about this month’s focus, the Razia Jan Institute, a school for midwives ( they also celebrated the Summerville chapter’s 10 year anniversary).

The gist of the night is helping others, but you can also meet some pretty cool people at the same time. Summerville’s chapter got a new member.

Quote of the Day:

“A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song.”

Maya Angelou

I know I’m not alone in my love of animals…as I sit here, I’ve got three cats jockeying for position on my lap, and believe me, they’ll figure out how to fit their collective 40 lbs on my legs. Whether or not I’ll be able to feel my legs is another issue altogether.

What is it about animals–even wild animals–that reduce even the toughest of characters (you know who I’m talking about–the scary sorts) to mere babes when in the presence of an animal? What makes us dive down the YouTube rabbit hole watching rescued animals, funny animals, grumpy animals, etc.?

I’m sure everyone has an opinion about the need fulfilled by the company of the family pet or just the observation of wildlife, but I sway towards the idea that animals bring us…peace. There are moments of frustration, to be sure, but nothing beats having an animal look expectantly at you, its only wish to sit or play.

People have said that animals depend on their owners for food; this dependence explains their love. I’ve seen animals who depend on their owners for food, but receive little else. Peace is only achieved when the animal and owner yield to each other, understanding they’re each benefiting from the whole deal. It’s such a gift to trust an animal and have that animal trust you in return.

To all of those animals–tame and wild–who’ve made our lives better.❤️

I should’ve been a vet, or zoologist, or photographed wildlife. Don’t all animal lovers think that?!

Quote of the Day:

“Those who teach the most about humanity aren’t always human.” Donald L. Hicks

Most people have heard the story about the commencement speaker at Morehouse College who will provide a grant to pay off all of the graduating class’s student debt. What an amazing gift! Smith had already gifted 1.5 million to the university before announcing his surprise offering.

It’s staggering to think of the effects his award will mean to countless students, families, and their futures. Students able to begin their professional lives unencumbered by debt. Parents looking forward to futures without debt or paying for subsequent children free of debt. It boggles my mind how far reaching his generosity will extend.

Higher education costs have skyrocketed. The student loans of my college years are a minuscule comparison to the loans students and families face today, and attending a state university does not constitute “going cheap” any more. College debt can be in the hundreds of thousands when a student graduates, limiting future earning for years.

That’s what makes Mr. Smith’s award all the more heart warming. He and his family have doubled these families’ hopes for their futures. Paying it forward. Good for you, Robert Smith, and good for us. We’ll never tire of stories that bring joy.

Quote of the day:

“Good people are like candles. They burn themselves up to give others light.”

If you’re looking for a stunningly, scenic hike or bike ride, consider the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania. I was fortunate to spend the last five days there, enjoying the vast stretches of multi-green colored forests, clear streams & waterfalls, and abundant wildlife. There are endless opportunities for magnificent views.

Delaware Water Gap offers multiple trails for beginner and more advanced hikers. We hiked the Garvey Springs Trail. The ground was a carpet of bright green ferns and trees, and you’re rewarded at the end with a breathtaking water view. The first elevation warms you up, but it’s pretty easy going after.

Delaware and Lehigh Trail sits beside a river and includes an opposite waterway for some portions. You can walk or bike the trail–which travels for about 168 miles. We biked around 20 miles from Bethlehem to Easton, Pennsylvania, observing geese and multiple goslings, sunning turtles, hawks, and the occasional chipmunk., as well as a loch and dam. You can rest in different towns to grab a bite to eat and continue on your adventure, or ride up and back, as we did.

Ricketts Glen overwhelms with its 26 waterfalls, and dripping, moss-covered banks, curving around spectacular cliffs and stone staircases. There are multiple routes from which to begin, each winding around the Glen. If you like waterfalls–and who doesn’t–this is your happy place! Truly striking; I wouldn’t miss it.

Take a trip up to Pennsylvania–so much to enjoy!

Quote of the Day

“Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.” David Bowie