A forgiveness researcher, Everett Worthington, proclaims the importance of forgiveness in healing our hearts, that “it is unfortunate that someone caused us harm but holding on to the negative feelings towards that person is only hurting ourselves.” (“Forgiveness and your health: What science says about the benefits”, CNN). Worthington should know. His mother was killed by a young man who burglarized her home and bludgeoned her to death with a crowbar, as well as violating her unspeakably. His first reaction pictured an equally violent death for the offender, but after some hours, he asked himself, “Whose heart is darker?”
While Worthington had much more to pardon than most of us, the fact that he could forgive the man who forever altered his family’s life remains at least a call of admonishment for the minutiae we sometimes cling to in our own personal grievances. The relativity of our wrongs compared to Worthington’s appears inconsequential, yet they’re real to us, nonetheless.
According to the article, harboring anger and hostility–the twins of an unforgiving heart–were linked to serious health issues, for instance coronary heart disease. Holding on to anger, a stress response, leads to a wear and tear on our bodies. Our own resentment enables our own undoing; we make ourselves physically sick.
Of course, we all know the simplest result of being unforgiving, unease. All is not well in our world. We tend to dwell on why we have every right to be angry, seeking validation for our views. Yet, the affirmation we seek can only be obtained within ourselves. No one–unless they have suffered the exact same wrong–will be able to truly perceive our injury. The realization is our remedy lies in our acceptance of the wrong and the gift to both ourselves–and the other person(s)–to move past the transgression. Not always a simple thing, I know. I try to keep in mind the times when I am the one who really needed the forgiveness. If we can forgive, though, we can become content again.
The next step, after forgiving–especially in small matters–is forgetting. If forgiveness is troublesome, the act of forgetting can seem unachievable, short of a poor memory. How do we forget the insensitivity, the cruelty, the passivity? It all depends on the level of injury. In Worthington’s case, I wouldn’t presume that forgetting is an option. Actually, even in less damaging situations, forgetting can sometimes be a moot endeavor. The truth is “to forgive and forget” may not be possible; however, forgiving is possible.
No longer holding on to our anger prevails as paramount to our happiness, so let’s let it go! At least, we can work on it…for not only our own well-being but those with whom we’re closest.
Quote of the Day:
“Hanging on to anger is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Buddha
Designs on Life 